God, how did we get to 25?
I thought I would feel so much older by now.
But honestly? I think I’m starting to recognize that I will never feel my age. And that’s just fine with me.
I have been so blessed. Truly. I’m sitting in my living room, on my own couch, the door is open, it’s trying so hard to be spring outside, the temperature that makes you ask “Coat or no?” The sun is shining, the birds are chiping (how can something so small make make that much noise?) I’m warm and cozy, nestled under fluffy layers, red mug of coffee going cold. The world is still moving fast, I can hear it, it’s still Friday after all. I’m grateful to pause, a voluntary Sabbath is just what I needed, judging by the crinkle in my nose, my lips frozen halfway curled up, my soul warm and easy and happy.
It’s a good morning.
I love when my birthday falls in the year. On the cusp of spring, I feel like I’m resetting the clock, like I truly have an opportunity for renewal. The daffodils are (usually) springing up, the sign that new life awaits, it’s a new crop’s turn for making the world beautiful this year. Soon the tender green of spring will creep slowly into view, until one day I’ll ask “When did summer get here?” Seasons turn slowly then all at once, it seems.
To be honest, 24 felt static. Sure, many lovely things happened: spending time with loved ones, meeting a best friend, wonderful vacations. I bid goodbye to my first love, grateful for the experience, wistful for what might have been, filled with hope for the future. Heaven help me, I even went on a few dates.
But nothing “big” happened. Nothing earth-shattering or paradigm-shifting. I expected 24 to hold promise for something big, my expectations colored by my mom’s timeline of events. Similar though we are, time and personality skewed those results a bit.
Maybe 24 was my season turning slowly. Lots of small things happening, you see them and how they color the landscape, but everything is mostly the same.
Good little things did happen in 24. I started taking more responsibility for myself. I started thinking a little more about health. I stopped drinking Diet Coke (a triumph, really).
Maybe 25 is when it happens all at once.
25, I want you to be the year of controlling my appetites. For years, I have felt trapped by my own compulsions, following my hunger unflinchingly while looking back with regret only minutes later.
I want you to be the year where I decide to live intentionally.
Plan your time. Plan your money. Steer the ship of your life. Become the master of your own fate.
I want to find community. I feel something lacking. I do. In the stillness, I feel something isn’t all quite there. Go find community. You have to put yourself out there to do that. And you’ve been doing that. Just in different ways.
Maybe, just maybe, intention is how it happens all at once.